Catch a Glimpse
Our God is at the center of our days, in the midst of your terrain and of mine. You and me, we are bearing his image, and those little watching eyes get all the glimpses of who he is.
WE ARE BEARING HIS IMAGE, AND THOSE LITTLE WATCHING EYES GET ALL THE GLIMPSES OF WHO HE IS.
We are not that different.
As we pull back the covers and feel the warmth begin to seep out, our minds have fired on for the day.
Our feet hit the floor and it is there that the long list of what lies before us today does an automatic download at warp speed in our brains. We promised ourselves we would commit to waking at the sound of that seemingly loud alarm on the nightstand for some time spent alone– but not really, we both know alone with our thoughts is in fact loud. You get the point though, time “alone” with God, before the sounds of the home awake, and their whispers, cries, and little laughs fill the walls of our home.
We are not that different.
As we tiptoe into the kitchen, we reach for that mug, you know the one that the coffee really does taste better in.
Our pours reach so close to the brim leaving just enough space for our cream of choice to top it off. The warm cup between our hands has already sparked joy in our tired eyes and always moving brain. We know the spot in our home where we can turn the light on, whether it is the tiny hand-held night light or the flicker of the candle– we know where we can sit so that we don’t wake those sweet ones still dreaming– we have the creaks of the floors ingrained in our heads along the way. We sit, feeling like we could jump up and dance because we made it to our destination in a stealth mode that we both know was no easy task.
We are not that different.
As we open up the pages of our Bible, we both know that this time ahead whether we get five minutes or the whole hour we came prepared for– we need this– we need God. This is the fuel our day calls for.
Our quiet time is spent fixing our eyes on Him in whatever verse we are reading. Whoever or whatever is at the forefront of our prayer, we both sit. The warm cup is quickly cooling, we are desperate for Him to carry all of today’s worries and weariness that we already have. We know this time here will fly by, and if we are being honest– we both know how hard it is for us to focus, really. The list that downloaded at warp speed keeps trying to distract us, more often than not, it wins. You and me, we are grateful though, as the clock ticks away, the time spent here we know is not time spent entirely alone. He is here. We both pray that this day will go as well as it needs to, as we prepare to tend to the everyday moments of what lies ahead and pour out our love for these precious children He has given us.
Open-handed surrender.
Our time in the Word and prayer has neared the hour for us to start that first task, but you and I both know it doesn’t end here. We carry the Lord with us today and every day that follows. Crying out to Him as we wipe away their tears, or ours, telling Him how ill-equipped we might feel. My child’s disabilities and your child’s abilities carry a weight we struggle to uphold. But, we both teach them to praise Him and love Him, no matter the circumstances.
Our God is at the center of our days, in the midst of your terrain and of mine. You and me, we are bearing His image, and those little watching eyes get all the glimpses of who He is.
We are not that different.
Prepare the Way
One thing is certain, we don't have to wait for God to show up. He is already with you, He has been here the whole time. His presence never has to be questioned. There is no limit to the truth of who God is, Immanuel— God with us.
“He said, “I am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way of the Lord,’ as the prophet Isaiah said.”
John 1:23
He was 4 days old, at this point less than his one pound eight ounce birth weight. The tension was high, and the weight of resistance pulled our feet to the floor. Even in the well-lit room, you could actually feel the darkness. The pain was gripped tightly in our fists, the chatter quieted down and then the words flowed right into the air. The doctors began to point at scans and images on the computer of his brain and let us know that at this point, all that could be done was done. The chances he would walk, talk, move, or do really anything at all did not exist. They wrapped up this meeting with the best case scenario being to turn off the life support.
I knew that only God had the power to determine the outcome of these circumstances, and our answer would always be in the fullness of Christ. In Him, we don't have to tightrope on chance. He is the way— the only way. Whatever happened next for our son, was in God's hands and not ours.
The only one who had a say in the quality and the life that was set before my son was God himself, and all I wanted was for my son to know the love of God, to love God, and to follow Him. There was no one who could tell me that would not be able to happen. This was the only best case I allowed to seep within, knowing that it could very well end much sooner than I prayed for.
It was then that I realized I was going to have to shift my focus off of “how-to” and exchange it for “who-to”. Who to look to, who to follow in it, who to depend on, who to cling to. There is only one answer to that— God.
Our God is in all terrain— always with us.
In the midst of diagnosis.
In the midst of illness.
In the midst of teaching either with or without disabilities.
In the midst of sending off our children out into the world.
In the midst of unknowns.
In the midst of having to change the intended path.
One thing is certain, we don't have to wait for God to show up. He is already with you, He has been here the whole time. His presence never has to be questioned. There is no limit to the truth of who God is, Immanuel— God with us.
I share all of this because when I go back to that NICU moment with the doctors I remember never wanting to forget the words He pressed on my heart — the ONLY case, no matter the terrain or circumstances that lie ahead, in the middle of all of the disabilities, my son would know God, His love, and he would hunger to follow after Him. I have held that so close to my heart and when the Lord called me to homeschool our children, I knew that it was going to look different. Really it will look different for all of us, and that's a really special thing. That different is something I embrace with open arms because it is what he needs. Yes, homeschooling a child with special needs means many different accommodations and adaptations would have to be created, curriculum switched when it was not serving us well, but more than that, the one thing I have always come back to is that I want to teach, pour out, and live from Christ.
Looking back over the last few years and seeing all that God was actually teaching me along the way has transformed my perspective of it all— little did I know when I first set out to go at whatever pace my son needed, to guide him in the ways that met him where he was at— well God has been doing the same in me. Each day He shows me that the only plan, path, and pace, that I need is His. The beautiful truth friends is that we really can give it all to Him, He has already gone before us and will never leave our side. His ways are always better, for us, and for our children.
Even still I live in this space of really not knowing how the disabilities he lives with will impact his life and education, but we do know WHO to look to in it all and it is something I talk with my son about every day. From the very beginning of our special needs parenting journey I always said that if he only walked away with one thing each day, I want it to be that he learned about who God is, knew the love of God, and left wanting more of God.
Friend, the world is loud. It tries hard to pull us in a million different directions. Right now it is so easy for us as we are all preparing for our upcoming school year, whether that be homeschooling or schooling outside of the home, to see and want to do all the things. I so enjoy learning as well as sharing about all the different tools and resources that are out there to serve, teach, and train up our children. You are not alone in that at all—you will see me sharing what we are using and how we incorporate different things into our days. Honestly, one day you might even see tools that God has put in my heart to create to serve your families. What I don't want you to miss though is that everything you need at the end of the day is found in Him. He is mighty and alive in you, He is your helper, the One who will show you the way. Prepare the way.
May our children be pointed to Christ above all else in each of their days.
His way is through.
He doesn’t need our strength, He needs our availability.
He doesn’t need our agenda, He needs our attention.
He is growing deeper roots below the surface. Inhabit His dwelling place, His glory is there.
He is Lord of all.
Press into this next year at His pace, open-handed, surrendered, fixed on Him.
May our praises run wild and free, choosing boldness over comfort. Trusting that in Him we are equipped.